Thoughts on my writing?

Well, you've got a great vocabulary and an interesting writing style. :) This little excerpt, however, seems more like a rambling of thoughts and feelings. Which is fine, actually--I do this when I write just to get my fingers moving on the keyboard. I call it 'pre-writing', when you're just getting your thoughts and ideas down on paper. It helps so much when you're having writer's block or you're trying to write for a prompt! But a pre-write is not a final draft in any form. You should try to go through this paragraph, pick out a few interesting ideas or statements, and then write again focusing on those ideas. You might end up with something really cool or even the beginnings of a story. :)